5 Psychological Effects of Being Tormented by a Bully

psychological effects of bullying

You escaped. You left a toxic environment. You feel free – except, you’re not. You first sense it your third week at your new job. Your boss snaps at you, or so you think. You freeze. Your boss doesn’t notice, but your coworker does.

“What’s the matter?” she asks. Your voice shaking, you say, “He barked at me.”

A month later, after this scenario repeats multiple times, you arrive at an inescapable conclusion. You’ve dragged your past with you into your new job. What psychological effects can you expect when you’ve been tormented by a bully? As a social psychologist who’s researched bullying, I offer the following:

They get into your mind

A bully’s taunts lodge in your mind.

“You certainly made a mess of that,” the bully says and you wonder, “Did I?”

The bully’s words attack you at a deep level, changing the sense of who you are until you believe there’s truth to their disparaging claims.

Creates future fear

Long after you leave a bully’s presence, their influence hangs on, like an invisible but tensile spider web.

“My mind went immediately to the fear I’d lose my job,” said Janis. “When my new boss and I had a minor misunderstanding, it felt like a replay of what had happened in my last job. So when my new supervisor and I had a simple miscommunication, it felt like the beginning of the end.”

Once you’ve been burned, every unlit match looks like a fire.

Distrust

If you’ve always felt that most people are essentially well-meaning, bullies deprive you of that belief. While most people strive for win/win interactions, bullies function according to a different operating style. They seek to win and don’t mind you losing. In fact, they prefer it if it helps them get what they want.

Reactivity

For two years, Margaret worked under a bullying manager. On the surface, she appeared calm and received regular kudos for her even-keel persona. Every night, however, she drove home with headaches. Once, she arrived in the emergency room thinking she’d had a heart attack, only to learn she’d had a full-blown panic attack.

When her supervisor finally retired, Margaret breathed a sigh of relief, until, at the end of the first week, she found herself blowing up at an employee. Her explosion shocked her, and after three similar blow-ups, she sought out a psychologist who told her the truth.

“You’ve been holding it in for so long, that those buried feelings have now surfaced. It will take a while for your emotions to even out.”

Isolation

When she crossed Georgia, Kim knew she’d pay for it. Few dared to tell Georgia “no,” but when Georgia asked for 20 dollars from every employee to throw a baby shower for Georgia’s best friend on staff, Kim said, “I’ve already gotten her a present and don’t have a lot of extra cash, but I can give you five dollars.” Georgia’s hostile look scared her but Kim stuck to her guns.

The next day, however, when Kim went into the break room to have lunch with the rest of the staff, Georgia shot her a look as hostile as a knife.

Kim got the “I don’t want you here” message and took her lunch to her workstation.

Georgia repeated the “you’re not invited to sit with us” look multiple times in subsequent weeks until Kim accustomed herself to eating at her desk. With each passing week, she felt less and less a part of the team.

Has a bully trampled you?

Here’s the horrid truth. The psychological damage from being bullied doesn’t go away just because you’ve escaped the bully’s immediate presence. It lingers.

 

© Dr. Lynne Curry is author of “Beating the Workplace Bully” and “Solutions” as well as Regional Director of Training and Business Consulting for The Growth Company, an Avitus Group Company. Follow her on Twitter @lynnecury10 or at http://www.bullywhisperer.com.

One thought on “5 Psychological Effects of Being Tormented by a Bully

  1. This is the truth.
    You finally quit and leave the toxic bully behind, but it takes time to adjust. Time to get them out of your mind and thoughts. Time to re-build your self esteem and confidence to be able to step in a different direction, take a breath and enjoy life again.
    I would call the effects of bullying a different form of post tramatic stress that peeks out here and there. I have 6 co-workers that finally gave it up and escaped the toxic environment and abuse of this particular bully. In the aftermath, I have seen all of us working through the stages of ‘recovery’ and healing. It takes time.

    As we have learned, often, standing up to the bully only makes them worse as they have to win and dominate or destroy. Individually, my co-workers decided the only way to survive was to get out of the situation and walk away. Life is short and nobody has to put up with that abusive behavior.

    Like

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